Järgmine President?

A couple posts ago, while discussing parliamentary politics, the '06 presidential race (well it's not really a race, but, nevermind) came up. Nobody knows if "Meie" Arnold Rüütel will opt for another five years of luncheons with his counterparts abroad, but the truth is things have changed in the five years since he moved into Kadriorg. The dominant parties in the Riigikogu are Res Publica and the Center party, and, though I doubt Rüütel has done much to piss either of them off, it would be in both parties' best interest to elect a president of their faction in 2006 to give them extra momentum heading into the 2007 parliamentary elections.

Of this mix, the most obvious choice for Res Publica (tips to Andry)is Riigikogu esinaine Ene Ergma (see photo). Res Publica is also in greater need to secure a president from its faction because, as mentioned below, it's popularity rate is abysmal. It is currently polling at 3 percent, and having a popular president from the faction could bring voters back into the fold.

From KESK's side I only see Edgar Savisaar waiting in the wings. Surely the man who has been prime minister and mayor of Tallinn would like to be president. But KESK only has 24 votes in the Riigikogu, and Savisaar's political enemies, from SDE to Isamaaliit, proably agree that they don't want him to be president.

Does that mean that other factions will support the candidacy of Ene Ergma from Res Publica if she signals she wants to be president? Maybe. Anyway I am interested in learning more about presidential politics. Estonia is still wrapped up in Olympic euphoria, so there's little news in the presidential department.

Tiny Estonia

I just thought I'd put all of these together for your enjoyment.

From SportsNetwork:

Italian speedskater Enrico Fabris thrilled the home crowd with three medals, while Canadian speedskater Cindy Klassen won five. German biathlete Michael Greis won three gold medals and Kristina Smigun of tiny Estonia took a pair of cross country golds, while Croatia's Janica Kostelic became the most decorated Winter Olympic alpine woman skier.

From the Mail and Guardian:

Tiny Estonia cherished a third Olympic triumph and Canada celebrated a top-two sweep but the United States, who lead the hunt for gold medals, were giving them away in Turin on Friday.

and from Mainichi Daily News:

For tiny Estonia, the day carried no jinx.

Cross-country veteran Andrus Veerpalu plowed through fresh snow to retain his Olympic title in the 15-kilometer classical race and bring Estonia its third gold of the games. Kristina Smigun won the women's 10km classical race and 15km pursuit.

Congratulations. Tiny. Estonia.

Sextonia and Funny Letters

So I have been reading some letters to the editor over at The Baltic Times.

They are really good in an entertaining sort of way. I forget how emotional things are over there. I guess things are emotional everywhere. I do believe that the emotional coverage of the Baltic Times, stems from the fact that it comes out of Riga, which Aleks over at All About Latvia says is quite an emotional place.

Anyway, it's provoked some emotional responses, like this one from Ben in Russia.

It is sad to see but… [your] newspaper is full of aggression to Russia. Do you really think that relaxed Western readers want to see how the Baltic states are trying to shout about some “rising Russian menace?”

Your newspaper is useless for providing a positive look for the Baltics. Nobody in the civilized world wants to know about the crap you write about Russia.

I wonder if he sweated over that one. As Richard Pryor would say, no. Nevermind what Richard Pryor would say. Anyway the next one is even better, from John Slade in Tallinn:

Why should anybody ever think that Estonia would ever stop the only source of income it has? Take away the prostitution, and what’s left? Nothing is made/produced – the transit trade will end shortly. Tourism is based on prostitution. Break down the numbers of tourists into age groups, and even the EU can work that out. Sex tourism keeps Estonia afloat with its black economy. Being a member of the EU for Estonia means they pick and choose what they want and screw anybody who thinks otherwise.

When I freelanced for BT, I was wholly unaware that prostitution was paying my salary. I thought it was all real estate money that was buying those ads. There were a few sketchy "call this number for a good time" ads, but they were in Vilnius! And I had no idea that the boat loads of Italians I met in Raekoja Plats in the summer of 2003 were so chipper because they had all gotten laid by Estonian prostitutes. I should have known.

I have, however, had my run-ins with sex tourists. I recall hearing American English being spoken near Stockman and welcoming some guys from New York to my home town. They were on a trip through the Baltics. How nice. But then as one guy reached to shake my hand, a whole pack of rubbers fell out of his pocket onto the ground.

There was an awkward silence. Then they left. Yeah, sex is nice and the women in Estonia do like to wear high heels, but come on dudes. Don't you understand that the moment you purchase sex your manhood diminishes a whole order? You have just entered into the group of guys who are so untalented in conversation/hygiene that you must pay for sex. In other words, you are undesirable.

Estonians don't want Russians to own their railroads, no matter how good the Russian money is. Why should Estonians want to have their hometown barfed and orgasmed on by a parade of West European subhumans in search of vagina as a commodity and cheap Gin Long Drinks?

Eestimaa is shrinking in population size. Over the past 60 years the country saw a bizarre and backward economic system try to turn the country into a manufacturing, military, and transit hub for the USSR. But that economic system died, and all the workers brought in for that accident now live in Narva or Sillamäe and are unemployed and perhaps mad at the Young Republicans who run the Estonian state for not doing enough and ... well you get the picture.

Look at the other Nordic economies. Look at them. There is your future Estonian state. What does Iceland produce? Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland? They are just like Estonia - small in size with good Winter Olympics athletes and superior technological prowess. They are just like them as they are in a northern part of the world where few people live and few people visit. These are all marginal countries. Sure, Sweden has Ikea, Denmark has Legos, Finland has Nokia, and yeah, Estonia has Skype. But they are remote, even for Europeans.

One other thing about the northern countries. They all use to be havens for hoes, gentlemen. Watch some films about Finland or Iceland in the years after World War II. You'll see the same thing. American GIs show up with a pack full of rubbers and a smile and think they are in easy sex territory where the women all are blonde and their diets subsist of fish, potatoes, and the esteem-boost they get from assholes who find them desirable. That's the way it's been.

Before Anu got her mobile phone and Hesburger in Helsinki, her grandma may have been living in a hut in the countryside taking a sauna and beating on her reindeer skin drum. Before Magga accessed wireless Internet in Reykjavik, great grandma was cutting up fish and burying whalemeat. Bottom line, those modern utopias got a major makeover. And Estonia is in the midst of such a makeover.

So sex tourists, enjoy it while it lasts. Because your days of paying for pleasure are probably numbered.

Back to Politics

So those are the latest numbers from TNS Emor. You can read the breakdown here, but the general picture is that Keskerakond has 22 percent, Reform 16 percent, Isamaa has 11 percent, Rahvaliit has 6 percent, SDE has 5 percent, and Res Publica has 3 percent. The 2007 election is one year away.

The big shocker here is the poor performance of Res Publica. You may remember their entry by the giant signs requesting Estonians to "vali kord" - choose order - in the 2003 elections. Res Publica went on to form the new government with 24.6 percent of the popular vote, which fell apart in April 2005 following a series of resignations and sackings of ministers.

The funny thing though is although Res Publica has the least support of the Estonian people, they still have 28 seats in parliament. This means that 2007 could be a real watershed election for Estonia. I am not sure what Res Publica stands for, although they seem to be something of a younger, cooler version of the Reform Party. But, as I have said a couple of times, why does Estonia need two right wing parties splitting the right wing vote and handing possible future elections to the Center Party? It doesn't seem to make sense politically.

As for the other parties, the SDE has climbed significantly since 2003, when it got less than 1 percent of the vote. In Estonia, SDE is led by Ivari Padar, but I get most of my information on their stances by reading the commentery of European MP Toomas Hendrik Ilves. Rahvaliit may have suffered a set back due to criticism over Villu Reiljan's handling of the recent oil spill off the Estonian coast. Anyway, with one year away from the election, I don't get the sense that Estonians are particularly enthused about any particular party or candidate. Edgar Savisaar seems to be the "devil we know," rather than an emerging, new leader.

As for president, things have been quiet on the Rüütel front. Anybody else got any hot tips on the presidency?

"The Baltic state near Finland"

Congratulations Estonians. You are no longer a "former Soviet Republic," but a "Baltic state near Finland." Lapin Kulta anyone?

TURIN, Italy (AFP) - Tiny Estonia leaped into the top five of the Olympics gold medal hunt as Andrus Veerpalu defended his men's 15km cross country crown and alpine skiers awaited clearing to start the women's combined.

Veerpalu's 2002 victory brought the Baltic state near Finland its first
Winter Olympics gold. This triumph followed two biathlon golds from Kristina Smigun and left only US, German and Russian teams with more gold at Turin.

Estonia, a nation of 1.33 million people measuring 45,225 square km (28,102 square miles), sent 46 athletes to Italy but only eight outside biathlon and cross country.

"We're a very small country, so it's a great day for the country," Veerpalu said on Friday.

Plotting a Move to Cross Country...

For my entire life I have been a downhill skiier. Not that I have been skiing much. It is quite possible that I haven't been on skiis since the 1990s, or six years ago. The reality is that once Daddy's generosity ran dry in the skiing department, I was on my own, and, at least in the US, skiing is a very expensive hobby to have. So I haven't been on skiis for awhile and I do feel that I have been missing part of myself.

When you go downhill, it's a bit chaotic. At first you realize that you could crash into a tree ala Sonny Bono and die, but soon you rationalize away these legitimate fears and spend your days turning your leg muscle to butter as you propel down the mountain side, stopping at moments to refill on coffee and chili in ski lodges which, outside of a resort, would be humid, dingy places, but at a ski resort have the best food ever made.

Cross country skiing on the other hand seemed like a sport for truly confused. Here was downhill skiing minus the thrill of danger with 10 times the amount of work. I recall skiing with a friend's parents about 10 years ago, and they were cross country skiiers, ie. chickens in my book.

Now it appears that my youthful vigor may be tiring. Alas I cannot afford downhill, but I want to get back to sliding around and exploring nature via ski. I also want to have the opportunity to dress as a skiier, wearing goggles, therefore greatly enhancing my coolness.

So I have decided that once we get back to Estonia, cross country skiing should be in my cards, as they have no mountains, and I have no money. The place to cross country ski in Estonia is Otepää. This is the small area on Estonia's topographical map that actually has hills, rather than bogs and fields. Politically, Otepää is in the nether region of Valgamaa, which I am sure is nice, but I haven't been to, and seems to lack the same immediate charm as Tartumaa, Hiiumaa, Võrumaa, etc.

The goal is to get me, preferably with family, on skiis, on a track, in Otepää for as little money as possible with a camera nearby at all times to record the fact that I am now starting my cross country skiing career. I like the idea of using skiis all the time too. Like to get the mail, go to the laundromat, buy groceries, that kind of thing.

Just so you know, I have always been nuts. My goal after watching the 1994 Lillehammer Olympics was to become a member of the US Olympic Luge Team. In fact they were recruiting at that time, with a number you could call, 1-800-USA-LUGE. They were doing this because our Luge team sucked so bad. I even tried "training" for the luge, by greasing the bottom of my sleigh. But I wasn't very good at it. Plus even at the age of 15, I was over 6 feet tall, and most Lugers are the Winter sports equivalent of jockeys. They want little round cannonballs not gangly oak trees on their Luge courses. Anyway, that dream died, and there was no wild night of drinking saki at the Olympic village in Nagano, Japan in 1998. But I think cross country is more doable. Don't you agree?

There's Nothing Like a Little Olympic Gold...

I have a feeling people will be talking about this 'til unleast Eurolaul, from Reuters Canada:

Estonia won their first women's cross-country skiing Olympic medal on Sunday when Kristina Šmigun clinched the 15-km pursuit at the Turin Games.

The former world champion swept past veteran Katerina Neumannova of the Czech Republic in the skate to the finish to claim her country's first medal of the 2006 Olympics, in the opening race of the cross-country program.

Something tells me that this feels better than a win at Eurolaul would too.

Those Sexy Finns...

Phil at Finland for Thought has a great post up about Miss Suomi 2006 plus a great link to the photos of the candidates.

Most of the gents perusing the site went with #2, but I'd have to go with #1 or #4. The Jormas in Finland chose #4, a woman that goes by the name Ninni Laaksonen. I don't really know why. I enjoy the nationalist bikini though. There is some sort of unspoken yet widely understood "fact" in Estonia that Finnish women are all ugly. But Finnish women remind me of this sort of gray area between ugly and attractive. Just like the followers of Green philosophies and readers of Ayn Rand tend to agree to an odd extent about a lot of stuff,and exist in that weird zone between leftist and rightist political ideologies, so do the women of Finland inhabit that odd gray zone between gross and beguilingly attractive.

I've been told that the women of Finland don't care what the women of Estonia think, which is probably true. They probably care more about what the women of Sweden think.;) Anyway, there's also a Miss Estonia contest which probably doesn't feature nationalist bikinis and includes girls with more make-up, expensive nails, tacky clothing, and fat male judges with mullets. Plus eurodisco. There must be eurodisco.

You can look at that website here. The contest for Proua Eesti 2006 will be on March 8. However, Miss Tallinn 2006 has already been announced. And no, she was just chosen for her looks. According to her profile on Nexus, Helen Randmäe enjoys eating tatrapuder (porridge), drinking keefir (fermented milk), and enjoys romantic comedies "Romantiline komöödia, kus saab nutta ja naerda." (where you can cry and laugh). Her idol is Benny Hill, who I am sure would have had her on his show, and like me, her least favorite place on Earth is the Balti Jaama Troll. A true Estonian.

Sporti Müts

Since about 1997 I have been wearing a certain style of hat - perhaps most similar to that worn by Elmer Fudd in Bugs Bunny cartoons. I recall wearing my very American hat in Tallinn and getting weird looks, but I sort of enjoyed the idea that I may look like someone that freqents the wild in search of rabbits and/or ducks, depending on what season it is.

However, after looking at some Eesti Sportlased, I have determined that there is a new hat I would like to keep me warm this winter. The Estonian Olympic Ski Team hat. My question is - are the Olympic ski hats for sale, and, if so, where can I buy one? Tahaks osta olümpia müts, sõbrad! Kus ma saan seda leida?

Also, they are apparently available in black or sober, Estonian blue too, which may suit my wardrobe better.

Meet the Rüütels

Well the word is out, all around the world. And somewhere in the frigid interior of Eestimaa two little girls named Helena and Maria are in big, big trouble.

The lurid details from Kommersant -

Estonian television has shown wild parties at Kadriorg, the presidential palace, hosted by the President Arnold Ruutel's granddaughters, Helena, 15, and Maria, 13. The disclosure was made on Eyewitness, one of Estonia's most popular prime-time television programs. An anonymous participant in the events recounted how guests smoked hashish, drink hard liquor and defile national symbols. The events had been going on regularly at least since last October and sometimes accommodated 50 guests.

Yeah, there's also pictures to accompany every thousand words about this not-so-stately affair, like this one.

And yes, there are also more lurid details, from Ely Times -

The photographs include one of a boy leaving a shower room, naked except for a belt with a piece of cloth hanging from it. The door to the room is held open by a clothed young woman.

"He was not completely naked," said presidential spokeswoman Kaidi Aher. "And it was a boy not a girl. That (a naked girl) would be completely different."

There's also some talk of how this could impact the next presidential election scheduled for this year. It's still unclear whether or not the 77-year-old Rüütel will seek another term, but what's sadder still is that this may not effect it.
That's because in Estonia, the people don't directly elect the president.

From Wikipedia -

The President elected by Parliament (Riigikogu) for a five-year term; if he or she does not secure two-thirds of the votes after three rounds of balloting, then an electoral assembly (made up of Parliament plus members of local governments) elects the president, choosing between the two candidates with the largest percentage of votes.

So it's a "back room" kind of thing. Contrast that with neighboring Finland where they had a real election that led to a run-off between Tarja Halonen and Sauli Niinistö.

They are having a real election over there and yet in Estonia, the tangibility of the presidential election, scheduled for this year, seems shrouded in internal politics. Will the naked parties at Kadriorg have any affect on who chooses the president in 2006?

As a side note I would like to add that when I was 15 I wasn't invited to any naked parties, and if I had been, they wouldn't have been at a presidential residence. So yes, I'm slightly jealous.

Nazis, Commies, Russkies, Paranoia, and Noor Eesti

God, can one's stomach ever be anxious enough when reading news about Estonia? Well the sad thing there is such little news, and what news there is often comes from a Russian viewpoint. Paul Goble lives in Estonia and probably could produce volumes of insightful news on Estonia, but he spends his time digging through local Russian newspapers and shining a light on what is going on in that enormously confusing country. The Baltic Times only comes out once a week and they are limited by space - one newspaper for three countries - plus it has a business angle, which doesn't feed my political jones, and moreover, it's based in Latvia and has a sort of Latvian outlook on things - that is to say it's, you know, more emotional than an Estonian-based newspaper would be. It actually has a pulse ;)

And so I sadly sniff through the Russian sources, yawning through another Pravda editorial that accuses the Baltics of "historical revisionism." Have you ever read an Estonian history book from the Soviet era? It's a joke. The 1918-1940 period is summed up in about three sentences, mostly aimed at demonizing the Estonian fascist dictator Konstantin Päts (who has been discussed on this board). But go on, read some Pravda. It's informative...

Let us however delve into the history of those four years between 1941 and 1945, when these countries were liberated from the Fascist yolk of Hitler's forces by the Soviet Union (or would they prefer to claim they were invaded a second time and that they preferred Hitler's Nazis?)

"Liberated from the Facist yoke?" Will this shit ever end? I mean you know the writer didn't fight in World War II. He's probably as clueless about his history as the next guy. And the guys that are leftover from that era were the, pardon the expression, "tools of the decade." They were the cannon fodder; the 17-year-old soldiers sent to kill for their intellectual superiors who have long since passed. And it's like the little boys of the '50s will never stop arguing over the deeds of their fathers. Whatever.

Then there's that other menace, gays. According to UK Gay News (what, you've never heard of UK Gay News?) a Tallinn City Counselor wore a "I Hate Gays" t-shirt.

Tarmo Kruusimägi, a member of the Tallinn City Council’s Committee on Consumers’ Rights and Protection of Children, who’s artistic nickname is ‘Street Cleaner’ has appeared on a stage in a t-shirt with wording “I hate gays”, Delfi.ee reports.

He has had the t-shirt for couple of years, he said.

Stop the presses - one guy in Estonia is an idiot! And he's a politician (go figure).

In more bad news, according to Regnum Viido Polikarpus, the founder of Global Estonian magazine, is allegedly worried about the possibility that more naturalized Russians in Estonia will vote for the Center Party, and I guess the logic follows that Center Party founder Edgar Savisaar will then invite Russia's army of 17-year-old scared shitless kids to defend its ports from Finnish tourists.

Or at least, that's what Regnum.ru said Polikarpus said. But at least he got called a "political expert." And if you are in Tallinn stop by Eesti Maja for some liha ja kartulid. Way to go Viido! But read on...

Polikarpus reminds that 1/3 of the Estonian population are Russians and that during the last municipal elections 2005 even Estonians voted for the Centrists, a party cooperating with the United Russia.

Well first off, Russians are a quarter of the population there, not a third, overestimators. Second, if you are going to publish news in English, you better start studying. These guys just can't figure out their articles, and if you're going to BS the English speaking audience, you need your articles, guys.

Well anyway, in light of the less-than-inspiring news I have decided to take up reading the poetry of Noor Eesti, the Estonian literary movement from the first decades of the 20th century that can even inspire people that don't know the language that well.

Tooling around the Internet, I found this great page with links to the Noor Eesti writers and poets and examples of their work. I chose to read a poem by Marta Lepp because Marta is my daughter's name. According to Google, Marta Lepp was born in 1883 and passed on in 1940. So she's dead. But her poetry lives on. And it's a much better read than any of the news today. If Estonia excels in any department outside of cross country skiing, it's in poetry. All the Estonian poets I have read - especially Hando Runnel - have shown an immediately recognizable talent for sound and language.

And so I leave you with this poem, which I am told is about weaving, jail, bad weather, boredom, and maybe something else.

Vurr, vurr…vurr, vurr…

Udu, muda…muda, udu…
Voki vurrab.
Igav on mu vaikne kodu
Südant murrab.

Vurr, vurr…vurr, vurr…
Kallim sõber kaugel trelli-talus
Ihkab päikest
Hämarikus õhkab süda valus,
Ootab valgust.

Vurr, vurr…vurr, vurr…
Õues igavus ja niiskus,
Nõretamas…
Puude oksad udu-piiskas
Tarretamas

Verivorstid ... and Falck

Ahh, another Christmas season come and passed. Now we are still standing near the door frame of the new year which could make us rich in emotional conquest or poor in acceptance of our mortal limitations.

One of the preoccupations of this season in America, Epp's third Christmas here, has been finding her the necessary blood sausage to satiate her need for something festive. Blood sausages, or verivorstid, are the main course at most Estonian Christmas Eve dinners, and they are basically blood, barley, and leftover animal parts mixed into an intestine and served with a little jam. Like any food, if you bake it enough and add enough salt (or jam) it tastes Ok, and it sure beats Danish medister (a nasty sausage I wound up consuming) and Dutch Filet Americain (which has nothing to do with America and is in fact, seasoned raw meat).

And so, to make my Eesti Naine comfy in our gluttonous homeland where she regularly is forced to consume large quantities of olive oil and garlic, I made sure I picked up $28 worth of blood sausage at the Estonian House on 34th Street. I asked the Finnish lady selling them why they were so expensive and she just whispered "because they are so good." R-i-i-ight.

Anyway those were gone the next day. We (meaning my wife) ate them all. They were good too, just as the Finnish lady had promised. But in an effort to make our Eesti Naine feel more at home my mother attempted to procure some of the mysterious sausages from a German deli on Long Island. I was then asked what kind she prefered - "rice or oats" - "snouts or no snouts." I chose oats and no snouts. The thought of biting into a sausage with a nostril in it was a bit much. It could have even spoiled Christmas!

But when she cooked them up they weren't that good. Irish blood sausages. It figures that they would suck, given the reputation of Irish food. Have you ever seen an "Irish breakfast"? Runny eggs, Heniz baked beans strait out of the can, some fatty bacon, and soggy toast. And murky tea. Luck of the Irish.

Why is it that people from rainy cand cold climates eat gross stuff? The Inuit eat raw seal blubber, the Icelanders fermented whale meat, the Scots have their haggis, and the Estonians, well, they have their jellied sült, salt porridge, and herring. Yum yum. I hate to say it, but Greek food is much better. Turkish food? Better. Indian food? Way better.


Now on to Falck. Did it ever freak you out that much of the security in Estonia is handled by faceless guards wearing uniforms with the name Falck on it that are wholly private, ie. not really accountable to the government? I know that Estonia is supposedly the right-wingers' flat tax paradise, but is a private police force part of that ideal? Falck is everywhere in Tallinn, so common they are easily confused with the regular police. But there's more...As I did not know until a few minutes ago, Falck is actually a Danish company. Here read for yourself:

Falck is a Nordic-based organisation that provides assistance, rescue, healthcare and training to the public sector, private members, business subscribers, insurance companies, pension companies and international clients. The company ambition over the next few years is to develop Falck into a pan-European organisation, and to achieve global status in certain sectors.

One day in South Tallinn we were stopped by Falck and taken off the bus we were traveling on for not having punched tickets. Then we were loaded into a van near the bus stop where we were forced to endure about half an hour of verbal barrage from Sirje, the crazy Falck "officer" who said she had seen Epp before and that she was lying to her that she hadn't. (It was totally nuts..surreal!). I personally received a write-up because I refused to sign any paper they gave me because I didn't know what my "charge" was (I get really legalistic and can be a real asshole when I am in trouble with the law). In the end I wrote a nasty letter to the organization about the employees' behavior, and got off free, but - how sketchy is that? Sure Falck didn't beat me up and leave me in a ditch, but, having been to Mexico where the police drive around in the back of flat bed trucks with machine guns and beat the hell out of people they don't like - you've got to wonder, what can Falck get away with? The Estonian police department is under regular press scrutiny - I mean police chief Robert Antropov had to step down because he improperly drove his parents around in a police vehicle - but who is looking after the mysterious, multinational police force Falck? I'd just like to know...

Turning Japanese

So I bought a CD from a group called Smokey and Miho, which is a side project between Beck's guitarist Smokey Hormel, and Miho Hatori, who used to sing with Cibo Matto. I actually interviewed Yuka Honda from Cibo Matto once, and thus have had peripheral contact with Ms. Hatori. You may know her as one of the Gorillaz as well. The Japanese looking Gorilla in Gorillaz ;) Anyway, I think it's safe to say that I found Miho to be a very attractive lady and got off day dreaming about what it would be like to be involved with a Japanese woman...and then I realized - it probably wouldn't be that different from being married to an Estonian.

There's a bit of a running joke in my family that my wife is part Japanese because she is in love with taking photographs. And I don't think it's her, it's a national trait. Almost every Estonian I know has a very well documented online life - complete with blog, photo galleries etc. And they take pictures of the dumbest things. They take photos of ugly buildings and passing vehicles and the dinner they ate. And somewhere back home in Estonia, they take the photos out and show them to family members. "And this is a photo of the steak I ate in Los Angeles..." says the well-traveled Eestlane. "Oooh" the other Estonians must reply.

I wonder if there is some truth to the 19th century deeply racist theories that placed Finno-Ugric peoples in the same "yellow race" with Japanese across the Eurasian continent. I won't believe the idea that these peoples are related solely based on their love of electronics and trading digital images, but the high cheek bones sure seem to connect Peipsi and Honshu. As the non-photo person I often feel weird about this cultural obsession. I mean I like taking a few photos, but I prefer moderation. A photo here, a little camcorder there - it all comes together into a perfectly lazy mosaic of my life. I feel sort of anxious about taking 40 photos for every outing then putting them all online for the world to see.

Not my Japanese/Estonian wife. She lives to take photos and I have become an expert at downloading them and troubleshooting camera problems at her insistance. Just like her love of smoked fish, blood sausage, and recording every moment via digital camera, I take it all in stride. It's like I am an American exchange student stuck on a trip to Estonia I will never return from. All I can do is continue to learn more.

Today was the perfect example of cultural collision. My wife had an article ready for SL Ohtuleht, and they wanted photos. Being Japanese-like Estonians that meant that, like, I should have a digital camera lodged in my anus and a wireless card in my brain so I could transmit images almost instantaneously. I should be able to blink to take the photo and send it - poof! - like that. I kept that poor Estonian at Ohtuleht waiting and waiting for those photos as I rushed to get them uploaded (after some mechanical problems) in time for his deadline. I called up a girl at a photo store nearby to see if they could put the photos on a CD because my computer wasn't working. But they could only do it by tomorrow. TOMORROW!? 24 hours is like 500 years in Estonian time. So I sweet talked my way into my old office down the street and used their computer. It was a holiday party and nobody seemed to mind. Yet by virtue of my gift of gab I got the job done in time. I guess it pays sometimes to have an Italian-American by your side!

Ciao!

Dude, Get Over It...

It's official. Nobody likes to lose to an Estonian.

While Russian intelligence officers are still a little mad about that whole joining NATO thing, today's chief complainer is British fake Santa Claus Rob Horniblew (that's right, "horni-blew"), winner of the 2004 Santa Claus Winter Games, who was mad he was denied another year in the spotlight. This year Horniblew came in third behind Aare Rebban of Estonia and Finland's Olle Strömberg. Incidentally, Strömberg came in first in chimney-climbing, but Rebban won at kick sledding and reindeer racing. According to Horniblew, it was he that should have won the reindeer race.

Horniblew said it all came down to the reindeer sled race.

"You go up two at a time, head-to-head," he told The Mail on Sunday. "I was up against the Estonian and I won the race. He actually fell off his sleigh. But he got awarded extra points for falling in a particularly Santa-like style.

"I was pretty miffed at that, I can tell you."

State-Subsidized Children

For a lot of libertarians, particularly those that espouse a flat tax on everything - like the 26 percent flat tax Estonia has, our little Eestimaa is a dream land of unfettered market, where no evil government stands in the way between a genius and his fortune or a Finn and his cheap bottle of vodka.

But new stats out of the Estonian Statistical Office show that government subsidies do work to increase productivity, at least in one particular case.

The institution of the Parental Benefit Act on January 1, 2004 showed Estonia adopting a more social democratic population policy, providing parents of new Estonian children with their salary and a year of parental leave, "not less than 2,480 EEK (EUR 159) per month" with a "ceiling set at three times the average 2004 salary - 19,191 EEK (EUR 1230) per month."

The result of state-subsidized unprotected sex? More kids. According to the Estonian Statistical Office, 13,992 births were reported in 2004, a 7 percent climb in reproductive out put compared to 2003, and a 15 percent increase from a recent population low of 12,167 in 1998. Results for 2005 are not reported yet, but the noticeable spike after one year of having that act in place shows that some people thought government subsidized children sounded like a good idea.

So the free market may be great, libertarians, and Estonia may be a wet dream for those who are loath to pay taxes, but social democracy appears to still work sometimes, especially in the bedroom.

BNS - Number of Non-Citizens Down to 10 Percent

What is Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov going to complain about in five years?

According to Baltic News Service, "As of the end of November the country had 136,533 residents of undefined citizenship.". BNS quoted the Estonian Population Minsitry as saying that "since 1992 until this November 30 Estonian citizenship by naturalization had been granted to 137,617 people."

And according to the Estonian Statistical Office there are 1.35 million people in Estonia. Which means non-citizens in 2005 account for 10.1 percent of the population, and declining.

Vaindloo: Russia's Favorite Estonian Island

They've done it again. According to Interfax:

The Estonian Armed Forces have accused a Russian An-12 military airplane of violating Estonia's airspace.

The plane, en route to Kaliningrad, briefly entered Estonian airspace without permission near Vaindloo Island, sources in the Armed Forces' staff told Interfax on Wednesday.

The An-12 was spotted by an airspace monitoring center in Amar, outside Tallinn. Its crew contacted Tallinn's air traffic control center.

There is no statement posted at the Estonian Foreign Ministry website, but according to the Baltic Times they plan to protest the violation of their airpsace through diplomatic channels, (NATO).

For those of you who don't know where Vaindloosaar is, as I did not know until 15 minutes ago, it's about 30 km north of Kunda in Lääne-Virumaa. So it's pretty far away from the Estonian mainland, (it may be its second most distant island, after Ruhnu). It is also 200 meters wide by 600 meters long. So, it can be said that it takes talent to find Vaindloosaar in the Gulf of Finland. But the Russian airforce has found it, and they have violated Estonian airspace more than a dozen times since 2003. In particular they have violated airspace near Vaindloosaar in August 2004, twice (in five hours) in November 2004, again in April 2005, and as recently as this October. Russia has denied all intrusion.

The clever Estonians have noticed the trend, and some say that Russia may be doing it on purpose to annoy them. *shock* It is interesting that they have been "testing" NATO territory more deliberately since March 2004 when the Baltics were admitted.

But whatever their little game may be it seems funny that it includes Vaindloosaar. From what I gather it's has only been known until now for bird watching and its 130 year old lighthouse. Now it seems to be the Russian airforce's favorite Estonian Island.

A Quick Tour of the Nordic Capitals: Helsinki & Tallinn

And so we're on to the final lag on our quick jaunt through the six Nordic capitals, heading to the land of Finno-Ugric peoples that seem simultaneously caucasoid and mongoloid. In my opinion, Finland is like the Greece of the north, while Estonia is like the Cyprus of the Baltic. The stereotype is that Finns are fat drunks, while Estonians are thin drunks. The stereotype is probably correct. Both capital cities have their charm, although Tallinn is obviously the more immediately pleasing of the Finnic cities, but first...

Fifth stop: Helsinki, Finland.
For starters Helsinki is much bigger than you expect. Finland seems like the black sheep of the Nordic countries, and you expect its capital to be nothing special. BUt the city is big and interesting. Unlike Stockholm or Copenhagen, Helsinki is a fairly modern city, which means its roads follow some sort of grid logic. The "head" of the city (I wouldn't call it the center) is the Esplanaadi which protrudes away from the harbor and up towards the trains station and that big Lutheran cathedral you see in that photo to your right. Of course there is also the giant Stockman's department store. The reason Helsinki is overlooked by tourists is because it lacks in that immediate Euro charm that draws the throngs to Venice and Prague. It's square and even and often gray and brown and nothing too exciting. As with Oslo, the better, more "capital-like" city lies on the sea - Turku - which actually used to be the capital. But Helsinki has its treats. My favorite place was Savonlinna, an old barracks in the harbor. The whole harbor is interesting and it might be fun to just cruise around. Also, I have never wandered around Helsinki at night without something going on and people doing something. Unlike sterile, uninteresting Oslo, the drunks of Finland appear as if they have a good time in the open up here. Also, if you are looking to stay inside, you should check out Chiasma, the art museum. It's really interesting.

and Final Stop, Tallinn, Estonia. Tallinn seems to be undergoing a major renaissaince in building these days. One day it's an abandoned factory, the next day it's been destroyed, the third day there's a Swedish-style shopping center there in its place. The architecture here, outside of old town, is postmodernity defined. In one place you find an old church, then a Khruschev-era building, then a rotting 19th century dwelling, then one of those giant Nordic-style department stories, all on top of each other. While jarring and inconsistent, it gives the explorer a desire to find the diamonds in the rough. The old town is obviously very nice and easy to get lost in. I've never really bought much there myself, but I am sure there are lots of things to bring back from so far away. The public transit leaves something to be desired as the trams are often packed, muddy, and friggin' gross. They also have this outdated system for checking tickets so watch out you don't wind up in the back of a security vehicle paying the fine! Tallinn is supposed to have an outrageous nightlife, and I am sure those stag parties are great, but I think that's more advertising than reality. The feeling in the city itself is mostly sterile northern efficiency. Tallinners have a reputation in their country for being materialistic and business-like. I think that's true. My favorite parts of Tallinn city are Kalamaja - a neighborhood of old wooden houses northwest of the old town and grimey train station (which is looking better too) and the old town itself, which is really fun to walk. Toompea, the neighborhood where the parliament building is located, in particular is more peaceful than Raekoja Plats (townhall square) which is loaded with tourists all-the-time. The neighborhoods in Pirita are similarly pleasing, like Kalamaja, for a reflective, peaceful walk. It's hard to know what to do outside Tallinn, since I have spent so much time inside the city. But I'd recommend no matter what picking up some Saku Originaal Strong (the best beer EVER) and eating some chocolate from Kalev to keep the seratonin levels in your brain up on those moody Estonian days.

A Quick Tour of the Nordic Capitals: Oslo & Stockholm

Norway and Sweden. As the two countries of the Scandinavian peninsula they seem like brother and sister. However the the countries that essentially share a language and history are quite different. Norway is a wilder, more remote kind of place, while Stockholm seems like the epicenter of Nordic civilization with its proud Gamla Stan (old town). I visited both cities in 2001, and again in 2003.

Third stop: Oslo, Norway Oslo is the capital of Norway, but it seems sort of like an afterthought when you read about how beautiful the rest of Norway is, particularly Bergen. Far from the fjords, Oslo seems like a city born of convenience and little else. Like Reykjavik, most of the main public buildings here, as well as infrastructure, appear to be decades old, though well-kept. The city is rather sleepy and at times seems backward or struggling to keep up with the times. It is also really, really cold. The kind of cold that numbs your lower spine if you don't watch out. I was there in October with a fever and it was miserable. Unlike Copenhagen or Reykjavik - when I walked through the streets of Oslo I wasn't that interested in what was going on in all those windows. Norwegians, of all northerners, seem the quietest and least friendly. Things seem pricey, but not worth it. My favorite place in Oslo is the Akershus Castle on the eastern side of the harbor. Whatever you do you should stay close to the harbor because that is where the life is blowing in from the icy water. The old stones of the fort will keep you strong in the face of the mediocrity below.

Fourth stop: Stockholm, Sweden. After provincial Oslo, Stockholm seems like a positive metropolis. The buildings are consistently inviting and Gamla Stan, in particular, is worth the trip alone. Swedes are not much more sociable than the Norwegians, but they tend to gather together in larger groups and seem more approachable. I can't really think of my favorite place in Stockholm, but I can say it is a city that let's you breath with its wide avenues and public spaces. A few places I have discovered while there are 1) The Observatory Museum in Vasastaden, north of Norramalm. Skip the museum and climb the hill for a nice relaxing view. the area in general is inviting and welcomes you to hang out. 2) Gamla Stan - walk the old town many times. It's really beautiful. 3) Sodermalm. This place is less explored but it also has a lot of nice shops to experience especially near the bridge that connects the southern island to Gamla Stan. My favorite thing to do woul dbe to walk that bridge from Sodermalm over the river to Gamla Stan at night. I have done it several times and the beauty of Stockholm's harbor never ceases to amaze. Also, if you can, take a ferry through the archipelago. The lttle rocky islands, with their red cottages, complement Stockholm's royal style. The capital of the Nordics, for sure.

A Quick Tour of the Nordic Capitals: Reykjavik & Copenhagen

*This story has been updated to correct factual errors*

For some reason I have been itching to travel again. It must be the whole month I've spent without getting on a plane. So I thought I'd turn this blog into a little travel guide for the six Nordic capitals: Reykjavik, Oslo, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, and Tallinn. Yes, yes I know, Tallinn is included in most guidebooks in the East Europe section, for some good reasons, and bad ones too. But because Lonely Planet and Rick Steves have started including Tallinn in their Scandinavian guidebooks, and because this blog is about Estonia, and because I have been to all the Nordic capitals, yet not all the Eastern European or Baltic capitals, I decided to do it, in the words of Frank Sinatra, "my way."


First stop:
Reykjavik, Iceland, also known as, "Stærsta smáborg í heimi" or "The smallest big city in the world." That it is. With a population of about 190,000, is a pretty small, yet famous town. I went there in March 2001 hoping to find outrageous parties with beautiful women. Instead it was rather cold, gray, lonely, and brown. The city itself is cordial enough, although a lot of the infrastructure - like bus station - looks like it dates back to the Johnson administration, or in Reykjavik's case, the Geir Hallgrímsson administration (he was mayor from 1960-1972). The city has the feel of a fishing village, and the harbor figures prominently. The downtown is meandering, yet not that large, and the outskirts are framed by brownish green hills and painfully transplanted deciduous trees. If I could pick an Icelandic meme, it would be either death or hardship, and one place to visit would be the ancient cemetery on the southside of town. Gnarled and overgrown, it's the perfect place fto visit and you get a good view of the city too. Altogether it's a sweet place though, with lots of little shops selling expensive food and knit sweaters that cost a lot. I think the pervasive feeling in Iceland is one of frontier distance and independence. By being on an island so far away from the mainland you feel an immense weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Nobody can drive to visit you. They must fly. How perfect.

Next Stop: Copenhagen, Denmark. About 1.8 million people live here giving it the ambience of a big European city. The city is divided up into "bros" or boroughs, with the center most accessible through the Norrebro or Vesterbro stations. The center of the city builds upwards from a series of canals, and the streets are, like Rekjaviks, old and twisting, offering more knit sweaters, kabobs, alcohol, chocolate milk - all that stuff that Danes like. Saturday night in Copenhagen, or any night, is pure mayhem, as *nany* Danes are functional alcoholics. Don't be surprised to walk into the main train station at 1 am on Sunday morning to find passed out young women strewn about the entrance where their dates left them. The Strøget is the center of the city, a long series of walking streets where you'll see a lot of good looking young people wearing expensive clothing and listening to so-cute-you-want-to-vomit pop music. Of course Copenhagen also offers Christiania where you could famously go and buy soft drugs at all hours until the Pusher's Street was closed down a few years ago. My favorite part of Copenhagen was Norrebro, where there are some nice parks, record stores, and modestly priced middle eastern restaurants. It's a good place to relax in a city that has often be characterized as pure evil.