reede, oktoober 16, 2015

mis juhtus?

It's been well over a decade since a young New York City biotech editor began to fill patches in his schedule with relentless thoughts about Estonia on this blog. At first, its purpose was to remark on public events and to counter Russian propaganda, but later it became something of a personal diary, and even later, an ongoing surrealist manifesto. Those blogging years were good for my fingertips. When I read what I wrote at the beginning now, I can see what a novice I was. Blogging allowed me to build up my chops in a way that no other daily writing could. For that, and to you, my readers, I am grateful. Tänulik. At the same time, it was a distraction. Arguing with faceless Russian nationalists was a distraction. It held me at distance from my spouse, from my young children, from my greater priorities and responsibilities in life. How many moments of my young child's life did I miss because I was typing away hotly about citizenship or language laws? In this manner it was an utter waste of time. I suffered from a chronic illness in Estonia, brought about in part by cold weather, that spiraled into a true systemic challenge thanks to the over ingestion of antibiotics. This had an impact on my mental state and my ability to communicate. I fell into depression, as evidenced here. I made foolish decisions, as evidenced here. Only now, years on, with some health regained, can I see things as they truly happened. Happened. This is all past tense. This blog is past tense. But that's not the real reason I don't write here anymore. The real reason I don't write here is because the blogger format is restrictive and frustrating. It's stuck in 2005 and it's 2015. I would import this blog into my new blog North!, but I don't think that's necessary. I think it's necessary that it continues to live here in Internet world in perpetuity. Enjoy it.